i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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