Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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