It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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