oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
