we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
