I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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