today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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