went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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