I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize