I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Randomize
