So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
