Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
