So drunk its hurt
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
