Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
