u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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