Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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