I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
