She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
