we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
