my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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