You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
