She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
