Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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