This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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