? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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