Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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