i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
