508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Text me some of your sweat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
