Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
