Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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