Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
