I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
