"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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