i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
