Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
