It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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