I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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