I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
