Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That accounts for only three of the penises
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
