note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
