im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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