Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
