Where is the hickey?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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