He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
