so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
