he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
