you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
