When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize