I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
