So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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