Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
