I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
