it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
