so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
