well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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