I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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