Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Jerry, you need to find god
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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