I look better un-naked...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
