i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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