I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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