you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
