How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
