Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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