I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
