I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
