Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
