Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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