There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sarcasm needs its own font
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
