thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
