non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
