This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize