I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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