my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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