i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
