fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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