what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
