Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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