no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
