You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
