According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I didn't notice because vodka
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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