too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
